Forgiving When It's Hard

It was nearly three years ago when I last talked to a particular loved one in question.

We didn't leave the situation in good terms. In fact, we left the situation (and our relationship) in down right bad terms. Nothing was being accomplished but name calling, back and forth comments and a whole lot of anger lashed out towards one another. It simply wasn't going anywhere.

When I spoke out, I some what expected this result. My family member in question spent all my youth talking down to others, responding in ignorance and hatred. They were racist, sexist, homophobic. You pick your poison, they spewed it. I don't say that to gossip about them (like they have about me) but simply to tell it how it was.

I came of age and left my parents house. At that moment, I gained the opportunity to speak for myself and to stand up to this person. So I did--and I certainly don't regret it. I watched as my mother put on weight and this family member trashed her, calling her fat in the most vicious of terms. Today I see my mother desperately trying to lose weight, as if she needs to. My mother is a beautiful person and no amount of weight she were to drop would change that. Sure she has her flaws and she's not perfect, sometimes I struggle to get a long with her.

But she's my mother and I see things in her that I'm not sure she sees in herself. Most of the times we fight it's discouragement on my part that our relationship isn't going the way I hoped and fear we'd end up as toxic as this relative in our relationship. And I certainly don't ever want that for me or my mother--or any of my family.

I'm not perfect either. Never have been, never will be. I've made plenty of mistakes, as many could point out. In this very situation, I responded to my hate-filled relative with hate as well. In plain terms, I was hypocritical at times. I man up and own it. I won't point fingers, I won't pretend otherwise. Wouldn't change the facts of the matter if I did.

But what I am proud of is standing up for myself. Standing up for my mother, who was trashed and thrown under the bus by him and others in her family. And I'm proud of standing up against hatred (sexism, homophobia, racism, etc.) to say, "you can't say that about people."

People have identity, meaning, value and worth. They have families and friends, hopes and dreams. They deserve the respect to pursue happiness in their own lives, just like everyone else. No one is inferior based on their gender, sexual preference or race. We're all equal, none less or greater than another. If we'd stop to think about that, maybe we'd live differently.

We'd show more compassion, empathy, mercy, grace and love. We'd be more willing to help the needy, comfort the hurting, and build up others around us.

It's hard to forgive others when they hurt you. When they hurt others you love and care about. But it's necessary. You can't continue to respond to their harsh words with more harsh words. You can't let them damage your soul anymore, as you'll only respond trying to damage theirs right back.

The only choice you have is:
1. Forgive them
2. Forgive yourself
3. Seek forgiveness from God
4. Respond to others with love, empathy, compassion, mercy and grace.
5. Learn what hatred, fear and anger can do. And remember that lesson to always put yourself in other peoples shoes.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

Springfield doesn't suck.

Springfield doesn't suck.

It's certainly not for everyone--but it doesn't suck. Lately I've noticed a growing trend of people complaining and groaning about this town. As with any town, Springfield isn't perfect. It's a lot of things but perfect is definitely not one of them.

I don't really like the close minded attitudes of this area sometimes.  The roads kind of suck. The drivers are really inconsistent and...bad. What's with the weird mayor? Why don't we have a Cheesecake Factory? And is the Battlefield Mall really the best we can get here?

But I look past all that because in all honesty, does that really matter? If I want Cheesecake Factory, I'll travel. Plus my hips would be bigger if we did have one. The mall isn't a biggie, I'll just hit up Branson or go upstate. I don't really have to look at the mayor all the time, so who cares if he's weird? As far as the roads and bad drivers, if they didn't exist--what would I complain about?

You see, Springfield doesn't suck. It's not the best, it's not the worst. It's got a lot of pro's and some con's as well. Some days I'm happy to call this my home, other days I want to leave this town and (at least in the moment) never come back. But for me, it's home. It doesn't suck.

So do I get defensive when people say it sucks? Yeah, I do.

And here is why:

1. It's too big to be a hicktown, too small to be....St. Louis or Kansas City- In other words, it has enough NASCAR dads at Walmart decked out in overalls, cowboy boots and a world class mullet, to quench my thirst for laughter in public. It has enough normal people to mingle with and be friends with, without being oversized like KC and St. Louis where you'd miss the gems that we call Ozarks hillbillies. So our claim to fame is: We're not Kansas City but we're not Branson either! Sweet!

2. I like my food, I like my food a lot- I've never met a person outside of Springfield who's came here and liked Mexican Villa. But like a lot of people around here, I grew up on it. I could eat their chips by the bucket full and live on their burrito enchilada style. What would I do with out Andy's? The answer: I'd die! Or Springfield Cashew Chicken. Where else are you going to turn chinese food into half-chinese, half-southern cooking?

3. Churches....everywhere- I've been to other states but I've never seen this many churches in such a tiny landscape. You could say we have almost more churches than we do minorities. (Shameless plug for North Point Church, which is the coolest church in the area).

4. Other stuff- Movie theaters, Kickapoo High School where I spent four years and Brad Pitt attended, colleges, bowling alleys, flea markets, thrift stores, fast food on every street corner, lots of parks, the Nature Center, the zoo, the Fairgrounds, tons of restaurants, lots of call centers, chinese buffets, Bass Pro Shop, more Republicans than I care to meet, the list goes on and on. Springfield is a unique place.

Actually.....a lot of places have similar options. But shut up and stop complaining!

Springfield doesn't suck.

Life Matters.

The Casey Anthony case has intrigued me.

I'm sure it's intrigued a lot of people. How a mother of a lovely little girl could kill their daughter simply because they didn't want the responsibility anymore is beyond me. Like everyone else, I want justice for that poor little girl. Every time they show her face on television, it breaks my heart to think the person who should of loved her the most, treated her the worst.

But in the process of the media spectacle of the trial, I'm reminded how fragile life truly is. One minute you're breathing, the next you could be gone. The moment you take the last breath, you're the sum of all your decisions here on earth. That poor little girl didn't have a chance to build a life for herself. She didn't get a chance to laugh and cry and grow and learn. Her own mother murdered her.

In doing so, her mother took her own child's life and shattered the lives of her family. Not only is that the case but she ruined her own life. Simply put, she made the worst possible decision. And now she'll most likely spend the rest of her life in jail, if she isn't put to death because of her despicable act. Casey Anthony didn't respect her life or the life of others.

Now that little girl is only remembered to us in photographs, to her family in memories. Casey Anthony will never have a chance to raise a child or turn her life around and do something great with her God-given potential. Life is fragile.

That's something I've confronted in my own life. When my grand parents died in 2009, it brought issues to the surface I was never faced with. Some day I'll die from this earth and when I do I'll be the sum of all of my decisions. Good or bad, wrong or right. I'll be accountable to my actions and I won't have the excuse of little Caylee Anthony--I had the chance to turn things around, I had a life to make something of. 

I don't want to waste my life. Don't want to waste my God-given potential. Don't want to focus on a life of chasing things that don't really matter while missing out on all the things that really should matter. I have a chance that individuals like Caylee never had. My life is fragile but I'm still here.

I'm so thankful for a renewed spirit, I'm motivated by the potential I have, I'm comforted that I don't have to do life alone anymore. I don't want to waste my life. I don't want my fragile life to come to end and realize I'm no better than Casey Anthony (who wasted her potential) or no more accomplished than Caylee Anthony (who didn't even have a chance to accomplish).

Today I was baptized. I'm confident my grand parents were celebrating some where far away from here but not distant from my heart. I'm thankful my best friend and my family were there to celebrate with me. And my heart is ripped apart by a God who is so loving and merciful, that would give second chances to the undeserving like me. 

Life matters. God, help me to not waste it.