Seasons of Doubt

If we're honest, we doubt.

We doubt our own abilities. We doubt our circumstances will improve. We doubt we'll be able to accomplish something we grasp for. And we doubt our own faith.

I just overcame a season of doubt.

Where I questioned myself and everything I thought I knew. Was this really reality? Or was my mind playing tricks on me?

Death Cab For Cutie happens to be one of my favorite bands. And when they released their new album, one song stuck out to me. It starts out slow and builds till the chilling end, building momentum as the song grows and grows. I love the song. I'm intimidated by the song. It scares me and challenges me.

Inside of it's simplicity is so much complexity. Questions of doubt about the very faith that holds my life together.

I'm not intimidated by the likes of Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. They're as hypocritical as fundamentalist atheists as some of the fundamentalist "Christians." I don't blink an eye to documentaries like Bill Mahers, where he tries to turn my faith into a big joke. I don't even care that I have family members that are atheists and other faiths that would challenge my belief system. Obviously I care for them and wish for peace in their own hearts but I don't mind if they make the choice to have faith that challenges mine.

It's not in any of those circumstances that I feel uncomfortable or uncertain. It's in a song--this song. The build towards the end of the 4:31 song drives out questions in my heart I didn't realize I had. The emotions of the whole thing make me question everything I thought I knew. Questions I'm not sure books like Lee Strobel's "Case for Christ" or "Case for Faith" could ever answer--I know because I've read them.

Maybe I won't know the answers to those questions this side of eternity. 

I've learned to be okay with that.

I have my doubts. And I most certainly have my seasons of doubts.

And while I don't blindly accept my belief system because it's popular or convenient, I give those things up to the God of my faith--trusting that I'll get answers inside of his time frame.

In the age of "prove it right here, right now" I'm putting my faith into something I can't see but I surely can feel. Am I stupid? Maybe some would think so. Misguided? That might be your opinion.

Jesus said in John 8:32 that we will know the truth, "and the truth will set you free."

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S. Lewis

Despite the doubts, the questions, the tension--the quest for truth always leads back to one place. And that's where I'll continue to find my comfort. 

AFA: Cigarettes just as danger as homosexuality. Really?

(Based on Bryan Fischers article:  http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/fischer/101209)

I stumbled upon Bryan Fischers column when I was reading some statistics on a website. From first glance, it seems like just another anti-gay opinion piece from another conservative talk show host. But the suggestion that Mr. Fischer makes is quite serious. In fact, it's absolutely serious. He uses the surgeon general's report on one cigarette possibly being deadly to suggest one act of homosexual sex possibly being deadly.

His case? If you have gay sex, you could get HIV--even if you only do it once. In case Bryan doesn't realize it, (and I'm sure he does) not everyone who engages in homosexual "conduct" is HIV-positive. Actually quite the opposite. Most of those engaging in homosexuality do NOT have HIV. To suggest they do is misleading and dangerous. It's a horrible stereotype that has long plagued gay individuals.

I didn't know of a single HIV-positive gay person until I was 22 years old. For those of us who knew him, it was sobering to think about. For Bryan Fischer's personal knowledge, this person I knew with HIV wasn't exactly going on his first exposure to gay sex. He was, shall we say, kind of a whore. Not that that makes it any less sad or deadly. The fact still remains that comparing the dangers of cigarettes to  gay sex is kind of a stretch. No, scratch that. It's not kind of a stretch--it's a stretch and then some.

Does Bryan not realize that most gay people, like straight people, use condoms? Did Bryan consider the fact that straight people could easily get HIV if they have unprotected sex? I'm assuming he's going with the stereotype that gay people have higher rates of HIV/AIDS. For some black individuals, that stereotype is in place as well. Is he going to claim black people shouldn't engage in sex? Perhaps Bryan didn't think about the fact that many gay people don't even have sex. Seriously....I've known several of them. Some for religious purposes, others for tradition reasons.

He goes onto say:

We currently have between two and four percent of the population engaging in gay sex. How about we ask the surgeon general to launch a crusade to reduce the gay sex rate from four percent to one percent by 2020? 

Source: http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/fischer/101209 

I don't know what I'm more troubled by. The fact that this misguided conservative thinks gay sex is comparable to smoking or the fact he used the word 'crusade' in asking the surgeon general to help eliminate gay sex. The fact remains...if misused, sex is like anything else. It becomes dangerous. Gay or straight.

If Bryan Fischer wants to go on a "crusade" against sex, why not teen sex? Look at these stats:

• In 2009, 46% of high school students had sexual intercourse and 13.8% had four or more sex partners during their life.  Prior to the sexual activity, 21.6% drank alcohol or used drugs.  Only 38.9% used a condom.
  CDC
• In 2009, 34% of currently sexually active high school students did not use a condom during their last sexual intercourse.
  CDC
• In 2006, an estimated 5,259 young people (ages 13-24) were diagnosed with HIV/AIDS.
  CDC
• Each year, approximately 19 million new STD infections occur, and almost half of them are among youth ages 15-24. 

•  Source: http://www.sadd.org/stats.htm 

Unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD's, porn, etc. Teenagers are being exposed to a lot of stuff at earlier and earlier ages. I would think if Bryan wanted to go after anything, it would be educating our kids about the dangers of misusing sex. Whether one believes in homosexuality or not is irrelevant. To lie, mislead and make inaccurate statements about gay people isn't going to gain his friends at the American Family Association any ground.

I remember a year or so ago, I had a great debate with a Christian rapper from New York about homosexuality. He said it was a sin and wrong, I said it wasn't. One of the things we battled over was the dangers of homosexual sex. It was a respectful debate and I thoroughly enjoyed it. My point is at the end of the debate, he offered to pray for me. He didn't say anything misleading or false. His intentions were genuine and I appreciated that. Even if I didn't agree with him, I respected his position.

How can you respect what Bryan Fischer claims?

Comparing the possibility of getting lung cancer from one cigarette and the possibility of HIV with one session of gay sex doesn't really cut it. It's insulting. If Bryan wants a debate on homosexuality, I know there are plenty of people waiting to debate him. But beginning with falsehoods and dangerous assertions isn't really the best approach.

In closing, I had a grand father who died of lung cancer. He was a smoker and he died a very slow, painful death. While the surgeon general suggested it's a possibility to die from one cigarette, that doesn't mean it's a strong personality. But if you misuse them your chances increase. The same thing could be said about sex. You misuse it, you pay the price. Or food. How many Americans have diabetes? Obesity?

My hope going forward is that people stop these silly arguments that aren't worth the paper they're written on. If you want an honest conversation, let's have it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. If you're wrong, you're wrong. One of us WILL be wrong, the other WILL be right. But let's keep it honest.