Sleepwalker.

Socrates taught that we shouldn't rush through our lives focusing on things that didn't really matter. He believed we sort of "sleepwalk" our way through life sometimes and we should always strive to reflect on what's really important. Instead of getting lost in an increasingly busy culture, we should stop to reflect on deeper issues like "who am I?" and "what is my purpose in life?" That our philosophical world view should always be improving our souls.

I think about that for myself. I spend a lot of time distracted in a maze of social networking, entertainment, and pop culture. I put a lot of emphasis on things that don't really matter and I won't care about in ten years. Why don't I focus more on myself? Why don't I live up to my full potential? It's a constant struggle of priorities.

So what's the point of my blog? Don't waste your life. It's too important to waste. Second of all, what do you want to be remembered by? You watched TV and spend ten hours on Facebook, like everyone else. You chased wealth, health, status....like everybody else. Or do you want to build a personal legacy? A reputation? Chase goals and dreams? Create memories, a lasting impression, devotion to others, the list goes on and on.

My mother said something one day. She said that we won't look back at the end of our lives saying "I wish I worked more" but instead we'll say, "I wish I had spent more time with my family." It's a nice thought and probably true. But do we really want to look back at the end of our lives and say, "I wish I would have watched more TV, focused more on sports, more on making more money and being well liked and well known." Or will we say, "I wish I wouldn't of let fear stop me from taking that risk, I wish I would have gotten off the couch to play with my kids more, I wish I had a career that made me happy instead of rich, I wish I had focused more on my relationships instead of shuffling through all my days without purpose."

You've probably read the book Tuesdays with Morrie, right? I watched the made-for-TV movie when I was a kid and read the book for my "Psychology of Personal Adjustment" class last semester. Sure, Morrie can be kind of cheesy and corny at times. But through all the Dr. Phil-esque quotes, you can find a few gems. One of them is, "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things."

We focus on things that don't matter--and certainly won't matter at the end of our lives. We waste our lives. And I'm not singling anyone out, we all do it to a degree. But what depresses me is thinking about how much of my life I've wasted after moving out of my parents house in my late-teens. I've wasted away the last four or five years doing things that didn't matter. Spending money, devoting time, giving energy....and for what? I have nothing to show for it.

If I died tomorrow, I would be an extremely unaccomplished person. There would be grudges I never settled, lives I didn't touch, people I mistreated, situations I avoided and dreams I never chased. One of the rewarding aspects of this past year is realizing I've had my priorities out of whack and trying my best to ponder the deep questions Socrates argues we should all ponder. 

I ponder those questions. Because I don't want to waste my life. I don't want to be half-asleep at the wheel and I don't want to sleepwalk aimlessly through my days holding onto security and certainty, while avoiding the conflict of purpose and potential. 

So, I ponder those questions. And I look to God for answers. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11