Wheres my map?

I don't like taking directions from people.

Sometimes I let criticism get under my skin or I won't accept a rebuke. I guess to a degree, that's human nature. We don't like to hear what we're doing wrong and even some of the best advice we'll ignore. But I'm beginning to understand that it's necessary to listen to others, even when it might be uncomfortable for you.

I really don't know it all. I really do make mistakes. And if someone else can help, let them. Recently, I was given some advice I didn't want to hear. At first, I simply ignored it. But after a while I realized it was sound advice and the person was giving me wise counsel, so I finally accepted what they were saying.

Guess what? They were right, I was wrong.

If I would of listened to my gut, I would have egg on my face. I'd look like a major idiot and I'd try to quickly sweep it under the rug and hope no body noticed. Instead they slapped some sense into me, showed me what the right way was and I was put in my place. It kind of sucked, it was very uncomfortable for me.

But I'd rather have honest friends and wise counsel than going with my gut all the time (even when I'm wrong) and people around me who are nothing but yes-men who tell me what I want to hear.

I can take criticism. I can accept a rebuke. I'll listen to advice. And I'll certainly accept when I'm wrong. Does that mean I'm perfect at it? Fair from it.

But I'll continue to follow my map for my life and if I take a wrong turn, I hope some body is there to guide me in the right direction.

"The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." - Proverbs 12:15

Favorites

I think we all have our favorite stuff.

Today our cable and internet went out. It kind of felt like I was living in 1939, with nothing really to do. So I thought a lot about my favorite stuff. And came up with these lists:

Favorite Movies-
5. Batman Returns
4. Bobby
3. The Passion of the Christ
2. O Brother Where Art Thou
1. Requiem for a Dream

Favorite Songs-
5. Brothers on a Hotel Bed- Death Cab for Cutie
4. Aftermath- Hillsong United
3. The Man Comes Around- Johnny Cash
2. All The Trees Of The Field Will Clap Their Hands- Sufjan Stevens
1. Bridge Over Troubled Waters- Simon and Garfunkel

Favorite Quotes-
5. "If you haven't found something worth dying for, you aren't fit to be living." - Martin Luther King Jr.
4. "Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change." - Robert F. Kennedy
3. “It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.” - Robert F. Kennedy 
2. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - Reinhold Niebuhr
1. "Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God." - Aeschylus 

Favorite People-
5. Will Ferrell
4. Johnny Cash
3. C.S. Lewis
2. Robert F. Kennedy
1. Jesus Christ

Favorite Foods-
5. Chicken fried steak
4. Fried okra (I'm like Paula Deen, fry it and I'll eat it)
3. Lasagna
2. Anything fast food (Just ask Joel)
1. Cashew chicken

Favorite Memories-
5. Summers with my grandparents
4. Graduating high school
3. Moving out
2. Baptism
1. Entering college

Favorite Things-
5. Coca-Cola
4. Bible my grandmother gave me at 13
3. Facebook
2. Macbook
1. My bed

Favorite Qualities of Myself-
5. Passionate
4. Caring
3. Sense of humor
2. Love to learn

1. Love helping people

23-years-young

The title may not make sense.

But tomorrow is my birthday and I don't really like when people say "__-years-old" when talking about peoples ages. Not a big fan of the word 'old' in general. You should of seen me when I turned 21 and I thought it was the end of my world. Joel likes to laugh at the fact that at 22, I'm already talking about the fact in a few years I'll be 30. 

Usually I dread birthdays. I don't like getting older. I would miss the good old days when I was a kid who watched cartoons on television, played games outside with my brothers and sister and whose  only worry in the world was whether mom would give me a dollar for a soda at school. Truthfully, I always dreaded getting older because I always hated taking risks and doing things to further my life.

I let my insecurities get in the way of growth and so every year on my birthday, I'd look back at the previous year and think of the time I wasted. While I'm most certainly going to reflect this year (what I did right, what I did wrong), I'm going to focus less on the lack of growth this year (because I felt I did grow) and focus more on what I can do this year.

This year has been very good to me. Evidence?

1. I finally entered into college. I did that last fall, right after my last birthday. 

2. Gained some new friends, lost some old friends. Basically I made the big decision that some people weren't really my friends, despite what they told me. They were really bringing me down and making it harder for me to grow personally. In addition, I added some awesome people. Joel increasingly became my best friend and I'm thankful for that.

3. I turned some bad situations into good situations. My mother and I got into a fight that would cost us three months apart from one another. In that time, I realized that loved ones were worth more than silly fights. I also forgave a family member despite the fact they continue to trash me and my loved ones, which lifted a heavy burden and helped me to move on from the situation while still loving them.

4. Worked on my future. College was definitely a part of that. But I spent many months thinking about my future and where I wanted to be in 5-years, 10-years, and so on. I didn't really plan much for the future in the past because I didn't really believe I could follow through with anything. Things change....

5. I became a Christian. Found a church, got baptized, began reading through the Bible daily, and I can say I finally found a taste of the relationship with God that my grandparents had before their death--something I longed for.

Today, I'm 22-years-young.

Tomorrow I'll be 23-years-old. Yes, I said it the right way this time. I'll be another year older and this year will surely be filled with my share of up's and down's. But I look forward to this year and I don't dread it at all. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Us vs. Them Pt. Two

"It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God." - Acts 15:19

Before I was a Christian, I was convinced of one thing. That I never really had a problem with God. My problem was mainly with Christians and I didn't think I could ever over come that. So I resisted God and church just wasn't for me. When I was in my late teens, I was some what of an aggressive atheist. It wasn't because I thought God didn't exist. It's because I didn't want him to exist.

If he existed, I thought the Christians were right. And if they were right, the world was a bad place. For better or worse, that's just what I believed. And I believed that because I felt like Christians were judgmental, arrogant, prideful, self-righteous, bigoted, ignorant, and very fake. To make things worse, I felt like they turned their religion into a castle. And that castle didn't have a bridge. If you wanted inside, you had to say all the right things and do all the right things to get in.

I remember when I was 21 years old and my grand parents had died a few months before. They were devout Christians and my only church experiences were with them. So after their deaths, I had many questions about God and the Bible. So I was invited to a church by a friend. I was so excited to go but as soon as I went there, I felt more uncomfortable than ever. It's like everything I felt about churches and Christianity was confirmed and suddenly the passion God was trying to give me was gone.

Fast forward to 2011, I've found God in my life and that passion I was searching for. I'm so thankful for that. It's been an awesome experience for me. The other day Joel wrote me a note before work that just said he was proud of my relationship with God. That meant a lot coming from someone like Joel, whose opinion I cherish. One of the benefits of becoming a Christian is joining a church that doesn't feel fake or forced. It doesn't feel us vs. them. They don't turn the pulpit or their influence into an opportunity to air their personal feelings, political views or opinions. One day recently, I listened to a pod cast of a pastor complaining about the fact that their ministry work wasn't appreciated or what they expected. They said "I'm not bitter" at least three or four times in the pod cast and each time it felt quite the opposite--they were bitter.

I'm not a great Christian or a great person. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I am. I'm not going to build myself up, while tearing others down. I'm not going to sit on my throne and be holier than thou at the expense of others. Because I know I'm not better or holier.

As God as my witness, I don't want to make my life about "us vs. them". I don't want to pretend I love people or act phony. I want to be genuine and loving--always. I want to treat everyone with that same respect, whether they're Christian or not. Whether I agree with them or not. Just, please, don't let it be fake. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm frustrated by the Christians who kept me away for so long and encouraged by the Christians who are getting the picture that they're too blame for the fact that many people are feeling pushed away and/or running away from God and church as fast as they can.

Stop the pride. Stop the self-righteous attitudes. Stop acting holier than thou. Stop acting like your sin is less than any others. Stop using your influence for all the wrong reasons. And stop pushing people away who need God desperately, like I did. 

Evolves from North Point Church on Vimeo.

- Video from North Point Church, northpointchurch.tv

Forgiving When It's Hard

It was nearly three years ago when I last talked to a particular loved one in question.

We didn't leave the situation in good terms. In fact, we left the situation (and our relationship) in down right bad terms. Nothing was being accomplished but name calling, back and forth comments and a whole lot of anger lashed out towards one another. It simply wasn't going anywhere.

When I spoke out, I some what expected this result. My family member in question spent all my youth talking down to others, responding in ignorance and hatred. They were racist, sexist, homophobic. You pick your poison, they spewed it. I don't say that to gossip about them (like they have about me) but simply to tell it how it was.

I came of age and left my parents house. At that moment, I gained the opportunity to speak for myself and to stand up to this person. So I did--and I certainly don't regret it. I watched as my mother put on weight and this family member trashed her, calling her fat in the most vicious of terms. Today I see my mother desperately trying to lose weight, as if she needs to. My mother is a beautiful person and no amount of weight she were to drop would change that. Sure she has her flaws and she's not perfect, sometimes I struggle to get a long with her.

But she's my mother and I see things in her that I'm not sure she sees in herself. Most of the times we fight it's discouragement on my part that our relationship isn't going the way I hoped and fear we'd end up as toxic as this relative in our relationship. And I certainly don't ever want that for me or my mother--or any of my family.

I'm not perfect either. Never have been, never will be. I've made plenty of mistakes, as many could point out. In this very situation, I responded to my hate-filled relative with hate as well. In plain terms, I was hypocritical at times. I man up and own it. I won't point fingers, I won't pretend otherwise. Wouldn't change the facts of the matter if I did.

But what I am proud of is standing up for myself. Standing up for my mother, who was trashed and thrown under the bus by him and others in her family. And I'm proud of standing up against hatred (sexism, homophobia, racism, etc.) to say, "you can't say that about people."

People have identity, meaning, value and worth. They have families and friends, hopes and dreams. They deserve the respect to pursue happiness in their own lives, just like everyone else. No one is inferior based on their gender, sexual preference or race. We're all equal, none less or greater than another. If we'd stop to think about that, maybe we'd live differently.

We'd show more compassion, empathy, mercy, grace and love. We'd be more willing to help the needy, comfort the hurting, and build up others around us.

It's hard to forgive others when they hurt you. When they hurt others you love and care about. But it's necessary. You can't continue to respond to their harsh words with more harsh words. You can't let them damage your soul anymore, as you'll only respond trying to damage theirs right back.

The only choice you have is:
1. Forgive them
2. Forgive yourself
3. Seek forgiveness from God
4. Respond to others with love, empathy, compassion, mercy and grace.
5. Learn what hatred, fear and anger can do. And remember that lesson to always put yourself in other peoples shoes.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

Springfield doesn't suck.

Springfield doesn't suck.

It's certainly not for everyone--but it doesn't suck. Lately I've noticed a growing trend of people complaining and groaning about this town. As with any town, Springfield isn't perfect. It's a lot of things but perfect is definitely not one of them.

I don't really like the close minded attitudes of this area sometimes.  The roads kind of suck. The drivers are really inconsistent and...bad. What's with the weird mayor? Why don't we have a Cheesecake Factory? And is the Battlefield Mall really the best we can get here?

But I look past all that because in all honesty, does that really matter? If I want Cheesecake Factory, I'll travel. Plus my hips would be bigger if we did have one. The mall isn't a biggie, I'll just hit up Branson or go upstate. I don't really have to look at the mayor all the time, so who cares if he's weird? As far as the roads and bad drivers, if they didn't exist--what would I complain about?

You see, Springfield doesn't suck. It's not the best, it's not the worst. It's got a lot of pro's and some con's as well. Some days I'm happy to call this my home, other days I want to leave this town and (at least in the moment) never come back. But for me, it's home. It doesn't suck.

So do I get defensive when people say it sucks? Yeah, I do.

And here is why:

1. It's too big to be a hicktown, too small to be....St. Louis or Kansas City- In other words, it has enough NASCAR dads at Walmart decked out in overalls, cowboy boots and a world class mullet, to quench my thirst for laughter in public. It has enough normal people to mingle with and be friends with, without being oversized like KC and St. Louis where you'd miss the gems that we call Ozarks hillbillies. So our claim to fame is: We're not Kansas City but we're not Branson either! Sweet!

2. I like my food, I like my food a lot- I've never met a person outside of Springfield who's came here and liked Mexican Villa. But like a lot of people around here, I grew up on it. I could eat their chips by the bucket full and live on their burrito enchilada style. What would I do with out Andy's? The answer: I'd die! Or Springfield Cashew Chicken. Where else are you going to turn chinese food into half-chinese, half-southern cooking?

3. Churches....everywhere- I've been to other states but I've never seen this many churches in such a tiny landscape. You could say we have almost more churches than we do minorities. (Shameless plug for North Point Church, which is the coolest church in the area).

4. Other stuff- Movie theaters, Kickapoo High School where I spent four years and Brad Pitt attended, colleges, bowling alleys, flea markets, thrift stores, fast food on every street corner, lots of parks, the Nature Center, the zoo, the Fairgrounds, tons of restaurants, lots of call centers, chinese buffets, Bass Pro Shop, more Republicans than I care to meet, the list goes on and on. Springfield is a unique place.

Actually.....a lot of places have similar options. But shut up and stop complaining!

Springfield doesn't suck.

Life Matters.

The Casey Anthony case has intrigued me.

I'm sure it's intrigued a lot of people. How a mother of a lovely little girl could kill their daughter simply because they didn't want the responsibility anymore is beyond me. Like everyone else, I want justice for that poor little girl. Every time they show her face on television, it breaks my heart to think the person who should of loved her the most, treated her the worst.

But in the process of the media spectacle of the trial, I'm reminded how fragile life truly is. One minute you're breathing, the next you could be gone. The moment you take the last breath, you're the sum of all your decisions here on earth. That poor little girl didn't have a chance to build a life for herself. She didn't get a chance to laugh and cry and grow and learn. Her own mother murdered her.

In doing so, her mother took her own child's life and shattered the lives of her family. Not only is that the case but she ruined her own life. Simply put, she made the worst possible decision. And now she'll most likely spend the rest of her life in jail, if she isn't put to death because of her despicable act. Casey Anthony didn't respect her life or the life of others.

Now that little girl is only remembered to us in photographs, to her family in memories. Casey Anthony will never have a chance to raise a child or turn her life around and do something great with her God-given potential. Life is fragile.

That's something I've confronted in my own life. When my grand parents died in 2009, it brought issues to the surface I was never faced with. Some day I'll die from this earth and when I do I'll be the sum of all of my decisions. Good or bad, wrong or right. I'll be accountable to my actions and I won't have the excuse of little Caylee Anthony--I had the chance to turn things around, I had a life to make something of. 

I don't want to waste my life. Don't want to waste my God-given potential. Don't want to focus on a life of chasing things that don't really matter while missing out on all the things that really should matter. I have a chance that individuals like Caylee never had. My life is fragile but I'm still here.

I'm so thankful for a renewed spirit, I'm motivated by the potential I have, I'm comforted that I don't have to do life alone anymore. I don't want to waste my life. I don't want my fragile life to come to end and realize I'm no better than Casey Anthony (who wasted her potential) or no more accomplished than Caylee Anthony (who didn't even have a chance to accomplish).

Today I was baptized. I'm confident my grand parents were celebrating some where far away from here but not distant from my heart. I'm thankful my best friend and my family were there to celebrate with me. And my heart is ripped apart by a God who is so loving and merciful, that would give second chances to the undeserving like me. 

Life matters. God, help me to not waste it.