Seasons of Doubt

If we're honest, we doubt.

We doubt our own abilities. We doubt our circumstances will improve. We doubt we'll be able to accomplish something we grasp for. And we doubt our own faith.

I just overcame a season of doubt.

Where I questioned myself and everything I thought I knew. Was this really reality? Or was my mind playing tricks on me?

Death Cab For Cutie happens to be one of my favorite bands. And when they released their new album, one song stuck out to me. It starts out slow and builds till the chilling end, building momentum as the song grows and grows. I love the song. I'm intimidated by the song. It scares me and challenges me.

Inside of it's simplicity is so much complexity. Questions of doubt about the very faith that holds my life together.

I'm not intimidated by the likes of Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. They're as hypocritical as fundamentalist atheists as some of the fundamentalist "Christians." I don't blink an eye to documentaries like Bill Mahers, where he tries to turn my faith into a big joke. I don't even care that I have family members that are atheists and other faiths that would challenge my belief system. Obviously I care for them and wish for peace in their own hearts but I don't mind if they make the choice to have faith that challenges mine.

It's not in any of those circumstances that I feel uncomfortable or uncertain. It's in a song--this song. The build towards the end of the 4:31 song drives out questions in my heart I didn't realize I had. The emotions of the whole thing make me question everything I thought I knew. Questions I'm not sure books like Lee Strobel's "Case for Christ" or "Case for Faith" could ever answer--I know because I've read them.

Maybe I won't know the answers to those questions this side of eternity. 

I've learned to be okay with that.

I have my doubts. And I most certainly have my seasons of doubts.

And while I don't blindly accept my belief system because it's popular or convenient, I give those things up to the God of my faith--trusting that I'll get answers inside of his time frame.

In the age of "prove it right here, right now" I'm putting my faith into something I can't see but I surely can feel. Am I stupid? Maybe some would think so. Misguided? That might be your opinion.

Jesus said in John 8:32 that we will know the truth, "and the truth will set you free."

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S. Lewis

Despite the doubts, the questions, the tension--the quest for truth always leads back to one place. And that's where I'll continue to find my comfort.